Tuesday, 18 April 2023

... tweezers...

I cannot see myself ever going to Arizona. Or Canada. Or any of the not-super-famous states.

I cannot see myself owning AirPods.

I cannot see myself using earbuds again, after the time I got one of the buds stuck, quite deep, and I needed assistance, involving tweezers.

I cannot see myself back at a hip hop club night.

I cannot see myself driving.

I cannot see myself avoiding going to France for what remains of my lifetime, although I've probably been to France six times already, only once at my own suggestion.

Everything else, I can imagine.

It could be that I don't have a wide scope of imagination. Maybe lots of your more normal dreams never cross my mind.

If so, I apologise. Because that makes you a freak.



Monday, 17 April 2023

Reconciling this month's budget

16th April. We were at the pub and it was potentially awry. Far cheaper than most others, and I don't understand how they still do that. Noone was saying anything new. Although we were, three-quarters of us, the same as three-fifths of us had been the previous week. I'm unsure what exactly was up with that, but maybe it was the just-eighteens at the table next to us, who were approached by a bartender: "I'm sorry, but my manager's asked me to check your IDs." They passed the test with barely a protest, whilst saying they were from Spalding, which is maybe somewhere, but it's not going to be near where we were. Why were they in such a damnable place? We left soon after that.


14th April. We were at the pub and it was expensive. I made the mistake of going in to buy something nice from the fridge. They came at drink-in prices. I felt more hungover later, as a result.


12th April. We were at a publike venue. The final and first work social I attended before being relieved of my duties. Everything went fantastically, clearly. Except for the very beginning. But everything that came after that. ? There was some chat, before activities commenced, about cyclists, for some reason. If I remember now, it's linked to my having cycled there. We moved to cycling being dangerous, and someone decided to blame that on cyclists. I feel even now ashamed for not having spoken up, but to my dismay, most of the group deigned to agree with the speaker. Something about cyclists running red lights and taking too many risks. I briefly protested that roads are quite narrow, and everyone hates cyclists, but it didn't work, because it turns out, they do, or did, there.


9th April. See a week later. On neither occasion did I accept the invitation to a sauna later on. Perhaps if I'd asked how the sauna had gone the next week, everything would have been smoother.


7th April. We were at the pub, from 3pm, exactly as instructed, and it was great. The other houses on the street, I feel, must have been constructed in the same manner as this pub. I'm quite sure that this was a house turned into a pub. It was difficult to find our friend on arrival, such was the hubbub of the garden, but was achieved it fairly quickly. We were the start of the group. We bought a lovely table beer from Queer Brewing Company at 3%, and there was another beer with an intriguing name, I forget which. I almost determined a second meeting with a fresh acquaintance, on the basis of his liking of the guitarist I was going to see the following evening. But he didn't show up. It was sold out. I'm not sure when the last ticket sold.


31st March. Everyone else was at the pub, but I went home in a taxi with two others straight after the theatre, to finish something off.


29th March. We were at the pub, for a 'Comedy Virgins' showcase. Our friend won the dubiously-adjudicated contest of: whose friends yell the loudest? Underneath the yelling, I've mostly forgotten what my neighbour told me about her life, except she was the comedian's brother's fiancee, however you spell that.


8th April. We were at the pub, and I forgot to write it in my diary. Until late, in fact. It'd been a cheap and rushed dinner for three, and I was clamped onto the end of a table in a manner whereby I was in the passage of a waiter almost constantly. We moved, afterwards, across the road, to a pub-or-bar, one that seeks to appeal to all kinds of London evening visitor, but not exactly to any one kind. Upon last orders, and following two tales of friendship and house-moving woe from my friend, we split, and the two-thirds of us walked to a bar near each of our homes, further east. Quite drunk at that point, I bought a round of cocktails - two - at a late night bar at the end of the nearest high street. Two margaritas. They were delicious, sweet and somewhat spicy, although the bar was loud, and I couldn't hear anything we said to each other, much less recall it now.

Tuesday, 14 June 2022

Happy birthday, Che Guevara

 Sorry, sir, but only the left brake is on

    "'Apologies for the convenience'"

Only left turns are available,

Meaning hot food items have to travel in the left hand,

The right shoulder occupied by those flies that make

The journey, unlike those who wiped

Off the face to

Make me recall when

Exactly

It was, the first time I

Decided not to kill the spider, but escort it outside,

And isn't killing flies by cycling into them

Also killing spiders?


By continuing to exist I am

Putting myself, Bolivia, Guinea-Bissau, Cuba, Angola,

Argenina, here, others, at risk of

More poetry

Specifically

By me

And,

Precisely,

It's the risk of writing three ideas at once and

The risk of revealing the limitations of each idea,

With every connection cloaked in

A lack of the real connection required for a story

Like Che's,

Or the last time I bought hot food items on the way home,

Dropping a can of ginger beer painfully slowly against the inside of the Porter's fridge door,

Exploding it, spraying it, arching it

Precisely

Onto the face of the young radical behind the counter.

Saturday, 5 March 2022

Listings

pilot night

two or more cultural lenses

you're invited to join us in honour

dive headfirst

a little absurd

Rain as a child's name

when 'Untitled' is used as a title

oil protesters are always a collective and are always different

choreopoem

emerging

projection

messy

lyrical, binaural, stereoscopic

messy

Monday, 3 January 2022

Poem written as self-indulgent procrastination, about my goals, when I should be taking concrete steps towards realising a life in which I am able to find enough time to write poems

Today I want to learn:

what is causing me to sneeze

how to care for the right knee I've suddenly developed

what a sprocket and what a cassette and what all the bike parts look like, so I can take care of the month-old clicking sound

whether it's worth writing to all the people I stopped contacting for minor perceived slights, or out of laziness, or fortune, over the past months and years

which plants prosper where, given the constraints of the flat

BOOMING IN THE BACKGROUND, OR AS AN ASIDE, THERE'S A VOICE: BUT I HAVE TO DO A MAJOR PROJECT, DUE TOMORROW! THIS IS ALL JUST NOISE.

more broadly, what I should do next

or if there should be a next?

what is a good thing to be doing for a while when you're in your forties?

is there anything that would seem likeable to be doing then?

do I have it as good as it will get already, and yet still complain?

how about a skincare regime, or

how to tie good knots

some words in Dutch

also the Italian and Polish courses I started last year

(because I finished flirting with German and Spanish)

maybe Chinese, Russian or Arabic, for an internatonal career

but is it all just more noise on different frequencies?

shouldn't I be focusing on:

how to block out the noise

and carry out an idea

like write a poem?

Certainly that, too, is more noise,

and it doesn't help me sort anything out,

but it will be nice to me, for just this past moment.

Wednesday, 14 April 2021

Fragments of Obsolescence

 The new drug:

submit to NICE


Ronald Reagan Homeware Store


you for the eons


'You are what you eat' wheezed the

nutritionally complete meal replacement powder


Pretty soon, the only thing you'll be able to buy in a brick-and-mortar store that you can't buy online will be

sold out

Tuesday, 14 April 2020

Awake gap why

A colon seems the most obvious answer
Awake: why
An ellipsis could do a trick
Awake... why
But it wouldn't be the trick
Or the ticket, or the parthenon,
or whatever, just wouldn't be perfect:
the ellipsis would be... too dramatic.
Awake semi-colon why
is unfamiliar and captures the
disconnectedness, but not the
mundane familiarity of when
consciousness resumes each morning,
the same room, which is the same office.
Awake hyphen why or is it awake dash why,
ah, there's a degree of canny uncertainty,
and you know what, it's between that
and the colon - I can't decide.